Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Who knew poop could be so sentimental?

Yesterday and today have been eye opening for me. See, yesterday I stopped changing diapers. Jax will be 3 in June and its time! I was thinking of all the money we would save by not having to buy diapers and how nice it would be to be able to take him anywhere WITHOUT lugging around a diaper bag for a change. So yesterday morning when Jax woke up and did his ritualistic knocking on his bedroom door and yelling for mommy, I told him, "no more diapers...only big boy underwear from here on out, monkey". What I thought would be such a welcomed change in our lives, has turned out to be rather unwelcomed...for me at least. As a result, I have started this blog.

The first day started off rather rocky. Jax had a few incidents that took us to pair of underwear #4 in about an hour and a half. He finally started to get the hang of things and the rest of the day went rather well! I couldn't quit the diapers cold turkey so I did put one on him during the night. Again this morning, I told him, "no more diapers...only big boy underwear". We had one accident today...ONE!!! That's amazing! Words cannot express how proud of him I am! So why am I feeling so sad?!?!

As a reward for his successful potty training thus far, I took him to play at the park today. As I watched my baby leap and bounce around the playground with his newly made friends, I realized that he is growing up...and fast. Lately, Jax has to feed himself, dress himself, swing by himself, tuck himself into bed, say his prayers by himself, brush his teeth by himself, get the picture. It then dawned on me...changing his diaper was ONE last thing that I could do for him to take care of him. He can't change his own diaper. I feel like he doesn't need me anymore and that he's going to need me less and less as the days go by. It is such a scary feeling!

While I know that I can't slow down the hands of time, I hate that he's turning into a little boy so fast. I have been so blessed to be able to stay home with Jax for these few years of his life. I'm so proud of him...he's SO smart! Although I initially welcomed potty training with open arms, I can't help but to view it as robbing me of my maternal duties. =( While I cannot wait for Jax to grow and mature into a big boy, I can...for just a while longer.